I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
