So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
