Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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