Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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