Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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