Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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