I hope my margaritas pass through security.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
