but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
