Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
