Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Found the puke drawer
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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