those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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