I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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