dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
