New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
