Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
