awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
