I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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