Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
