good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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