Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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