did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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