i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
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BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
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