New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize