My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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