I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
