They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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