What a fucking waste of an outfit
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
