She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Randomize
