New invention idea: vibrating tampons
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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