textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
