he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
do herpes really smell.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
