If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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