He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
