while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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