Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
