Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I think i got beer on your cat.
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