oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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