tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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