I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
