i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Someone came in the potted fern
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
