My room smells like vodka and shame
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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