I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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