he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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