Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
