it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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