Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
