I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
