There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
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i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
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I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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