apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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