being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
