I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
