her vagine was all disorganized.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
