I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I deserve this hangover.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
