i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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