Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
