need another drink. this is the easiest way
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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