On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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