They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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