I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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