Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
