So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
