All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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