Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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