hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Randomize
