I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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