you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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