Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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