I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
