Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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