No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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