god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
