I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
