I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
