I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
